Note to Self

That's 14 days without alcohol, 12 days without the other, and 5 days without a cigarette. The hoots of derision are a driving force I cannot deny, but this is something i'm doing for myself (the fact my family finally get a completely smoke free house is merely a massive bonus). I'm still suffering the terrible insomnia which has plagued me for the past 10 or so years and I still resemble an unreasonable mad, raving, rabid dog at odd (strange) times. I can never remember being in as many different moods at the same time but something feels different this time. In the past i'd fall after 4 or 5 tortuous, long, hot sweaty nights, but this time I feel stronger. Smoking or drinking is simply not an option for me, my energy levels are improving tremendously, i'm playing tennis on the wii as soon as I get up and i'm off to the sports centre at 8.30 each morning. The 'old me' simply could not (be arsed to) do that.

I even emptied all the shite from my bedroom drawers (found some grrreat dvd's I forgot I had) today and tidied my bookcase in preparation for the huge influx of E bay and Amazon orders which will soon arrive on my wiry brown front door mat. As i'm no longer wasted/recovering/skint, my new addiction is, books, beautiful books. I have fallen hopelessly and utterly in love with books, and arriving in the next few days will be, (hopefully) 'The Shock of the New', 'The Art Book', 'Understanding Art: Isms', The Sweeter Side of Robert Crumb', The Gashlycrumb Tinies', 'English Masters of Black and White: Sir John Tenniel (First Edition), a couple of Charles Bukowski books, 'Oor Wullie and the Broons: 1936- 1996' and 15 VINTAGE DANDY ANNUALS. I've read Allen Carrs 'Easyway to Stop Smoking', 'The Art of Urban Sketching' and i'm reading a jam book. I've watched countless Hammer House of Horror episodes (my guilty pleasure), Bear Grylls, River Monsters, i've watched 'The Art of the Feast', 'The Joy of Painting'. I've sky plussed documentaries including 'Why the Industrial Revolution Happened Here', and finally, (and possibly most importantly) I've binned 'The Sun' in favour of 'I' (which I really love).

NOW, listen here you stupid cunt. You've done more in the last week than you've done in the last 10 years. Despite the chronic sleep deprivation you have more energy, you are more positive, you are (albeit slightly schizo) a NICER PERSON. You are gaining strength and self respect. To fulfil your dreams and achieve your illustratory (?) aim you MUST KEEP GOING. Show the doubters and detractors that YOU WERE RIGHT! Go back to the bad old days and honestly, and I mean this, I will fucking kill you.